In a relationship why do people always want to open the ex-files?

In a relationship do we have to go backwards to go forwards?, because it seems that we want to know about the past and it seems that we can't go forward without knowing what we have in the past it's like having a wound that won't heal and sometimes we go overboard in wanting to know what our partners did in the past and in a way it starts to ruin the relationship because people have this hole that needs to be filled but what if your past brings up memories which should be left were they were buried so it causes more problems than it solves. Are we that curious that we have to compare ourselves with everyone else they have had?

But it still doesn't answer the question why do people bring up the past, Is because we all feel insecure about what that person has done before and whether they have seen and done better so there is always this doubt in your mind, this little voice asking you have you done the right thing?

But is this the only reason????? Can people really want to know what went on in their partners past??? Do we all want a sense of control about what went on????

After asking Julian and Sarah-Lee from The George, Julian said he would open them up so he could get a sexual rise out of his partner, which would lead to an arguement, and 9/10 times it would also lead to make-up sex and use what he know to help him, give his partner what they wanted.

There are so many questions on the reasons why people are hell bent on knowing the past but in trying so hard to see the past do we see forget to look ahead of us?

Some people say that this baggage can help in early conversations about what we talk about in relationships as we use are ex’s to say what we want in the future, however do we know when to stop, or do people know when to stop asking and digging?

But even with all these questions will we ever know when to open and close are ex-files?

Decisions

We all make them, the big ones and the little ones, but are we ever sure if we made the right ones?

I have had many friends on the phone or e-mail to me asking whether they are doing the right choice about what they are doing with their lives or their relationships, as lately Nicky, has been doing a lot of this, calling me up at all hours of the day with her relationship with Matt, and it's taken me five longs months to try and convince her to leave him, and go out there and find new life, however as this is Nicky she rarely takes any advice, So this is why it has taken fives months to try and get her to see sense and stop sleeping with him, every time he says that he loves her, (As most girls and guys know that when an ex says this they are looking for a shag, plain and simple), But finely now I hope that she has seen the light as she found some new guy, to play with, that she doesn't go back with him, as I can't do another five months being on the phone three times a day at least about the same relationship!

However some choices we make don't need advice just the gentle listening ear, as they voice their doubts, for example Jonny, had a medical to try and get into the police service, but had doubts about whether he should go and do it, deep down he knew what he was going to do, its just the consequences of what his choice brought gave him doubt in the decision that he was going to make.

As all decisions and choices that we make in life bring around consequences, and unfortunately they are not always good! and we have to deal with these consequences and try to fix what we broke or enjoy the rewards that they bring! However consequences can have a big effect on what we do, and what choices we make, so do these consequences that will come make are minds up for us? So in light of this we would always go for the choice that would be good for us even if it is the wrong choice.

Do we now live in a world, that we will always go for the good consequences even if it is the wrong decision or choice, because we are to scared about the consequences of the choice?

Fave Songs of All Time!!!!!!

These are my most favourite songs of all time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Cher

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Internet Dating

Anyone of us who has been online, has found or been on to a dating website, and many of us just for the fun of it will sign up, to see what it's all about or trying a new site from one you used to use.

But is it easier to find men online or is it easier to find them in the street???, as I have been and tried both for many years and I am some of my friends would defiantly agree with doing both part, it still doesn't answer the fatal question, is it easier to find men online??

As we are all doing it now, we are buying all of our goods online, food, accessories, furniture, because it saves us time and effort, but with the amount of dating sites out there, it is become easier and easier to find one over the waves, all you have to do is find the one you like best and then send the message and then hope they message back, but you can put in searches with everything you want and it will come up with all of the qualities you look for in a man, so by doing this you are coming up with the perfect man for you aren't you?!

So you think it would be easier to be able to find this Mr Right we are all obsessed with finding, and doing both I can actually say that sometimes the searches lie as they don't know the people they ,match you up with all they know is there stats of what you like not who they are which would be the big down fall, as some of them are real assholes or complete liars in what they say!

Would it be safe to say no matter how you do your dating, we will always be unsure of what we are doing? and always be to picky in what we want? Are the people in society today always looking for the easier dating option, and becoming to lazy to go out there and be pro-active to find the so-called one?

Booking Through Thursday #3

Where DON’T you read??

ummmmm.....................there aren't many places I don't read, anywhere is open really, and it does help sometimes when you do have a book infront of you!!!!!

Thursday Thirteen #7

Thirteen Things of the most annoying songs 1…. Barbie Girl 2.... The ketchup song 3.... Waterloo 4.... Crazy Frog 5.... Wannabe 6.... Baby One More Time 7.... These boots are made for walking 8.... The Chicken Dance 9....Copacabana 10.... Who Let The Dogs Out 11.... It's A Small World 12.... We Like To Party 13.... Hey Baby Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Age of Deception

Nowadays numbers don't mean a lot but mix them with people and you have a huge problem.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about age. The one thing people will either Love or Hate.

In my experience people nowadays say that age is just a number, which say what you can or cannot do in the eyes of the law. Also everyone is always adding or taking away a few years, whether it's to make you younger and older. Everyone has done it.

But when it comes to relationships is it better to be honest or lie? I found out over the weekend amongst the string of high class parties, the dancer David that I am seeing lied about his. Even though it was only four years, it still but him in a different age box in the game we call life.

The problem is when he told m, I was very drunk, however immediate thoughts of Pete came rushing through my head, even though it wasn't a major difference. But it does get your mind going, if they start to lie about this, it puts doubts into your head. If they can do it about the age, what else can they string you along with.

Is Age the beginning of a series of mistrusts and lies?

Thursday Thirteen #6

Thirteen Most Sung Karaoke Songs 1…. Summer Nights 2.... American Pie 3.... Bohemian Rhapsody 4.... I Got You Babe 5.... Sweet Dreams 6.... I Will Survive 7.... Like A Virgin 8.... Angels 9.... Dancing Queens 10.... Kiss Me 11.... Baby One More Time 12.... If I could Turn Back Time 13.... Can't Fight The Moon Light Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Wild Fire

We all wish we could get that extra inch in ....... but also life, As today I sat in the a straight/punk pub (Which Yes is very strange for me, But I needed a story) and as I was chatting to James I found that, he knew a lot of the people I did, and I had never met him before, and he told me a few things that not even I knew.

Brighton once a year still holds the largest Pride festival of the UK, with last years total, reaching over the 1/4 million mark, and only 15'000 of them are regulars to the area, which would seem like a very large "community", but when you put it in how many people you see out and about, that you know in passing or are friends with, there never seems that amount of people around.

So obviously the gay world isn't as large as we would all think it is, so what do we do when we get nick names and known for the stuff you would rather have forgotten, for example, I heard about Josh and his over irate conversation, about HIV/AIDS. Which I hope I get to know the rest of that story, as some mad girl came over and sat on me, saying I knew her, when we went to Revenge personally I can't remember her for shit but there you go. So I never got to hear the end. SO will someone always know you from somewhere and know things that you did or would do, without evening meeting you or asking if it were true?

We all remember the school days, that if you told a secret to a friends practically the whole school knew within an hour what had been going on, but as I dragged my lonely ass back to the bus stop to get it home, I sat there and wondered did we ever get over that fact, when we left? As some random girls who had obviously been trying to get into clubs and such, that night were doing the eternal gossip, the "did you hear" or "did you see".

It Makes you wonder when we left a school like world did we take our tendencies with us to tell the world what we know?

Are we all still really big kids?

Booking Through Thursday #2

Booking Through Thursday

No, not THAT kind of R.I.P.
Reading. In. Public.
Do you do it? Why or why not? I do read in public, however it has to be some where you can as sometimes it doesn't always work in a pub, but a park, bus, train places like that I do. It does mean you don't have to listen to random strangers, that sit next to you.

Thursday Thirteen #5

Thirteen Things People Could Do Without!!!! 1…. People who are to intense. 2.... Abusive people. 3.... Controlling People 4.... LIARS. 5.... Bad Sex. 6.... Bad Kisser. (Come on face it, if they are shit at that then you are fucked) 7.... Rudeness 8.... Drinking and Dialing. (Even though we have all done it) 9.... Your friends who call you up on the one day you have off, Crying about there relationships. 10.... For us single people, our non-single friends who go on about there relationships. 11.... People who don't accept anyone Else's opions. 12.... People that lead you on. 13.... Ex's who still try to rule your life. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

The Weird Weekend

Well what can I say my weekend, was different, Friday my ex Pete came to town and we shared a hotel room together for the first time, we also went out for the first time together, we did so many things that we would have never done while we were together, the most important getting very very drunk and and dancing and doing other extra circular activities, which is never good when you are in the morning after the night before mode. But there were things that I did remember.

Like seeing Richard and his new boyfriend, and you know they know you are there, so they start to do things that make you notice them more like blank you, even when you do a near head on collision, with them and then when you are dancing with friends you bump into they start to practically have sex on stage, just for your entertainment, and stop the moment you walk away.

Then there was Darren and his new thing for the night, as he doesn't do boyfriends at the moment, he does a pound of flesh.

So why is it that every ex you have looks better than you do, no matter if people tell you, you are fabulous, they just seem to have that edge that you don't, dear god even Pete looked better than he did the last time I saw him.

But looking back as Pete did bring up a good point, he has never known or seen me, with a guy that can truly control me, which makes you wonder about youth today in all relationships, are we the uncontrollable generation?

Right Now I Am So F***ed Off

I am so fucked off right now, as I have just been conned out of a phone, and money has gone out of my account earlier than it should have. So I am very broke right now and I am supposed to me going out to night as well and I have no idea what I am going to be doing.

Also why is it when you are feeling very low, every tom, dick, harry and their uncle decide it would be a good idea to phone you, and they all ask for your advice on their relationships or their business problems. But you have to be nice because they are you friends, but all you really want to do is just tell them to fuck off, because you are not in the mood to talk to people.

I Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr the world right now, and even no I can't hit anything as I have to look after and cook for a 12 year old. Then I have to get ready to go out and have dinner with my 2nd ex fiance oh the joys of being loved.

Booking Through Thursday

Booking Through Thursday

1. Does what you read vary by the season? For instance, Do you read different kinds of books in the summer than the winter? Not really I tend to be a romance kind of guy or psychological thriller
   
2. If so, do you break it down by genre, length of book, or...? doesn't matter really it's a good blub I will probablt just read it anyway LOL
   

LAUGHS OF THE DAY

YOU MUST SEE THIS

Heaven Through Me, And Hell Just Toke Me Whole

What would you do if the guy you were seeing,after you said that 4 letter word, said lets take a break a step back, and we see if we can get there, then a couple of days later you look him, up online and you see that he is already in another relationship, with a bloke I never knew existed, even though I saw it and I read it, I could read it. But as it sunk in, my heart hit the floor, and I had to stop myself from being really sick. I haven't felt like that in years, even now looking back on that time, I still get the feeling of falling.

Even approaching the subject with him, he could even say it to me then, just gave me excuses why he couldn't, tell me, which hurts even more. Since then I haven't spoken to him since, although I had to phone tizzie, and hit a few things really hard, and nearlly broke the kitchen counter.

So since I have then I have worked really hard, and not done alot else until, my ex sends me messages, saying do you want to meet up for dinner and a night out, so we shall were I end up.

God What am I doing???????

Thursday Thirteen #4

Thirteen Things you should never say in relationships 1…. Your bum looks huge in that. 2.... I love you mother more than you. 3.... I slept with your best friends. 4.... We need to talk. 5.... (Two weeks in) Your sister coming up and says "when you getting married" 6.... (A month in) Lets have a baby. 7.... Do you want to meet my wife? 8.... My Friends hate you! 9.... You look like Bridget Jones in the morning. (Yes people have said this) 10.... I don't want a relationship, then you find out, a couple of days later he is in another one. 11.... I want you to tie me up. (This only works in certain relationships) 12.... NAGGING. This should never be done in a relationship. 13.... I think we should see a therapist. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time

If You could turn back the hands of time, would you undo, what was, to change what is????

Well Wednesday night, after waiting half an hour, and having to listen to blokes obviously having sex, problem was the fact that you could probably here them for space, and by the sound of it, it wasn't enjoyable. So anyway he turns up, and we drive to the beach again, although this is the unhappy part of the beach, where all our serious conversations and home truths come out.

So he is trying to tell me what he wants, and like a true man, (Yes we all know he is gay, but even we can have straight manly moments), he is making no sense what so ever, all I can feel is my heart sinking to the floor, and my head going I told you so, which by the is not a good feeling. However, I finally get part of the point he is trying to make, he wants to go out meet new people, go on dates, go up to random men in a bar and ask them, if they want a drink, and he could do it with a guy in his life, or relationship in his life. (Confused, well guess what so am I still), but I do understand, and I know where I fit into that whole life style, I sit on the side lines and watch him, do it, and then try if I can protect him, when it gets ugly, because of him being in relationships most of his gay life, I am not sure he really knows whats out there that could bite him on the ass (And not in a good way).

So after this conversation we decide to head back well he drove, and said i will text you soon, which most of the time that's code for I am never going to see you again. So I got the new version of "it's not you it's me", also the new version of "Can we still be friends". Just to top that, when I got in I was moaned at leaving my straighteners, on the drawers to cool down, and my laptop being on the table, when Life loves you it really does have a way of showing it. don't you just love it. LOL

Song of the Day

Rabbit Caught In Head Lights

What would you say the worst thing that could happen to you, when you and the guy you are seeing have sort of just sorted things out, and I don't really know how they did, it just sort of happened, I got told if he starts to freak out just to tell him to shut up and move on. which yes I would but even still I am now I am a Heartless Bitch, but I am not careless, so I would have some issues telling them what to do, in the messing with there emotions side of life.

I also gave him a secret today that, also by writing it here I am also announcing to the world, that I have never not once done any form of PDA (Public Displays of Affection) with anyone, I am come across as confident and able to handle anything in the world but I have never done that, well until Friday then, I really came out of the shell with no neon sign and and did the whole walking down the middle of Brighton, holding a guys hand, kissing in public and lying on the beach, and lying with someone. Which at the time made me look around and see who else really did what we were and do you know apart from the lying down an the beach thing, I saw less than a dozen couples of all sexuality's doing the exact same thing, so what does this say are we to scared to go out into the open and let people see who we are really with? or is that we are not comfortable with everybody watching the close couple walking down the street? Also noticing that nearly nine out of ten people will look at a couple holding hands, kissing in public, and want to know why they can't do it.

Also I have majorly digressed, I truly had a Kodak moment today, as the man in question (You know who you are) and I got caught, having sex in the living room, which would have not been good, its one thing for people you know to see you do it, but its also worse if it's a member of the family about to walk through the door and catch you in "the act" (Trying to be polite), so his face really did look like a bunny caught in head lights, so after he quick dressing and the small pleasantries he fled, going commando of course as he forgot to put his boxers back on.

Although I did get reminded today of a saying in which we should all follow, but all know we never will.

DANCE

As though no one is watching you.

SING

As though no one can hear you.

LOVE

As though you have never been hurt before.

LIVE

As though heaven is on earth.

Anyway at gone 3 A.M. I must try and sleep, otherwise people are going to have to get their irons out, just to take the wrinkles out of my face.

P.S. He is staying till tomorrow WOOHOO.

Song for the day reflects on the P.S.